I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
