hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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