You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
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He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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