I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
