Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
