he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
