Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
