I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
