What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
