I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
