My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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