Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
