I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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