maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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