It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
