I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
