Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
