I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
