my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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