Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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