I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
