I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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