Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dont lie about slip and slides
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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