He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Congratulations! We have a period
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
