I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
