ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
