So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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