Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
