I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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