Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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