Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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