Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
