At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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