We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
