Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
