I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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