I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
