I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
