I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
