I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
