There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
