yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
