So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
