About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize