if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
