worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
