Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
