I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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