you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
