When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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