i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
