You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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