I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
