Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I supernannyed him into submission
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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