So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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