He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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