Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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