Can i not drive my cunt home
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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